haha instead of studying, i've moved. tell me if you wanna read my heart still :) bye!

<3 starbucks 3 minutes away. i studied there today for about an hour and a half. but i managed to cover 2 lectures for PF. ok fine, it was basically physics i learnt before, but it's a goddamn start :) sigh, uni is crazy. not fit for it, so many scary people. mugging STAYOVERS wtf?!?! in cj i only knew of night study cos there were lovely suppers for us. hahahha hahhahah hahaha, damn nice lah. miss all the donuts, SOON KUEH, stawbellies, grapes, MILO. hahaha at like 845 we will prepare to chiong out from the library for the food. at least there was motivation to study. oh, not to forget, there's still another submission next week zzzzzzz. and i thought it was time to concentrate on other modules. i totally didnt know when my birthday is, or remember it this year until like a few days ago, just shows how busy i've been. oh well, december is coming! :) the christmas deco along orchard road this year is rather arrrrglyyyy though. or maybe it's just not all done up yet.

feel like changing blog and moving to somewhere more private. but damn lazy, as always. anyway, school is damn scary. the atmosphere is forever so tense. submission was just yesterday and today while i'm still in the celebratory-relaxation mood, people are already studying furiously for pf!!!!!!!! take a chill pill, have a kit kat, sit back and RELAX. haha, siao liao. anyway, talking about submission, my portfolio is shit. cos i was rushing, and the stupid scalebar didnt transfer my scans (!!!wtf and by the time i realised it closed for the day), so i had to take photos of a few of my drawings. and since i stupidly carelessly forgot to bring my sd card, or my cable. had to borrow joel's dslr, which is so hard to use cos i'm a noob at photography and dont know how to focus properly, and then he had to go, so he lent me a card reader which could not be read. and so i was left with lousy photos which i cannot retake cos i have no means of transferring ANY pictures to my laptop in studio, and thus i ended up with pictures in which my plan cant even be seen. but NEVERMIND, it's over. and i went for kenya hara's seminar yesterday, which was disappointing. i guess that's what you get when you pay 30dollars for an otherwise 300dollar seminar. really lorh, bento sets for breakfast, lunch, and tea (i was so excited for the bento sets can!!) turned out to be some catered food which was pathetic. it wasnt even remotely japanese. and i fell asleep for the lectures in the middle, but was wide awake for the emptiness one, which by the way CAN BE FOUND ONLINE. so what's the point. q&a was interesting though, but of course nus students always just keep quiet and let other people ask the questions. DOORGIFT sounded promising too, i expected an ornament of sorts but it turned out to be a muji file with paper to take notes with. not too bad i guess, the pen is nice to write with, cheapskate HAHA. and since all these seminars come with fangirl moments, i now have an autographed copy of designing design. and a photo with the man himself probably floating somewhere on facebook cyberspace. anyway, he had this translator during the q&a, whom i thought was damn cooooool. ok, i think all translators in general are cool, like how do they take down all the info so fast, and then process what they took down and translate it on the spot. damn cool lah, and you get to meet all the famous celebrities and stuff. sigh, anyway one of the highlights was that i got to try the beancurd tart! i think it's nicer than egg tart. i'm so sick of egg tart, but beancurd tarts have this texture to it that is so soft when you put it in your mouth. nice nice, i like. anyway we went to explore haji lane (nice nice also! love the shophouses), and then since i was craving wanton mee so bad, we went to banquet to eat. bad choice, the wanton mee was so spicy i didnt finish it. and then we went back to sheares, wanted to watch devil wears prada, but since it's ahem purple disc instead of gold disc, cannot load on the mac noobook. we ended up watching retarded videos on youtube (our favourite pasttime) and scary ghost ones too. i was so scared to even go to the toilet on my own!! and then after killing time, we finally went to eat our SHEARES CHICKEN!! damn nice, i like. the skin especially. they just kept peeling the skin and fats for me, haha i swear i really felt my arteries clog up after the meal. the chrysanthemum also damn nice. make me feel like staying in sheares for the supper. yah then we went back to watch project runway. omg got singaporean model. sigh they all have nice nice legs. yah and we were all so sleepy after a long long day (and eating the sheares chicken) we fell asleep, and i was too lazy/scared to walk over to kr to crash at cheongy's. haha woke up the next day for lecture re-screening at 9. quite convenient ah, damn fast can get to school. and then we spent damn long deciding what to do after that cos we didnt wanna study, we finally settled on 2012. i went to town (damn long never go somerset lahhh) in my fbts and shirt -_- lugging my heavy bag. butttttttt i got to eat frolick :) and see pretty girl working there. hahaha. my palms were freaking sweating watching 2012 lah omg. and doing what we do best, we sat down after the movie to continue talking before we went home for dinner. i saw the cutest crying baby today. usually crying kids are annoying, but this one was actually cute. shows how cute she really is. hahaha, seriously. even the chloe i used to teach wasnt cute when she was crying. ok damn a lot of words.


that's actually our very cool tutor with us at timbre. he kept asking us to drink more, and he has the coolest VINTAGE vw beetle that he drives.


haha ok no more cos i cant seem to find my sd card.

here's one of the retarded videos for you though!


yay! my entry is more colourful now. haha i'm trying to stretch this day before i start studying tmr.

Ten days of perfect tunes
The colors red and blue
We had a promise made
We were in love

sigh. was thinking of so many things. training in the stuffy sji gym while the radio plays in the background and we start jumping on the tramp to 'Stop and Stare'. then packing our stuff and chasing the 156 together and squeezing inside with the rgym girls and all their bulky hoops. dinner at j8 before walking down to stadium, screaming while j-walking, then walking up that stupid hill dreading training and all the exhaustion that comes with it. at the end of it all, we're always the last to finish, still doing our conditioning when all the lights go off. when we finally pack up and leave before the doors all lock, on days when miss teo isn't on duty, i'll take the 156 with perry home and he'll do retarded stuff at the bus stop. on days when miss teo is on duty, we will follow her down the hill and we will cab together. and all our good luck gifts to each other :)

staying back in class to do work, or simply just to play cards. haha all the retarded times i used to run for assembly while mr lim made that retarded bell sound. colouring our notes, writing stupid things and thousands of smilie faces on each other's papers. rushing for break and eating noodle king jia mian, or western southern fried add omelette, or both. or even pw, which was just talking cock sessions for our group. and watching movies, since we chose movies as our topic. haha. retreats and camps, when we would go to the pac to talk even after lights out. 

life isn't like that now. everyone is walking their own path, leading their own lives. 

 i cant believe i'm still sick. :O yesterday i was freezing in the library, i was shivering and my fingers turned blue. and i was already wearing a sweater. then i met up with gabriel and i had to borrow his jacket, so i was wearing 2 jackets in ion. wanted to go muji, but my head was aching like shit. i wanted to send him off to brunei but i couldnt take it so we drove home and my mom sent him to the airport instead. haha silly boy couldnt get to sit sia, for like probably only the 2nd time in his life?!?! yah then i slept at 8 o clock. slept for practically 24 hours. aside from going to the docs in the morning and during my meals. since i'm quite wide awake, i shall go watch my tv showssss.

Now I don't have to cut up my heart
Into pieces so small
And give them to those who don't care

6th november is coming!! :) crit tomorrow (today now, since it's past 12), then the damn gek essay and it's byebye to crazy submissions. for 2 months :) i'm obviously avoiding the fact that we still have portfolio and pf and the nippon thing to do, but it's so much of a relief that tomorrow is our final crit for the year! i'm a happy person again, i've realised after you go through so much shit, you really do learn to appreciate things around you. it's like living through ugly betty, and life around you is all rainbows and butterflies even though they really aren't. i dont really know what changed, but now i feel like i look around me and i see so much beauty. pretty houses, on my way to school. my lovely neighbourhood and all the warmth it brings when i walk home. doing my work at home, and feeling the sun's rays come into my room. we dont get that in studio, but studio's not so depressing when people start singing and playing the guitar. it feels so much like life in cj again. of course the culture is still so different. we talk about how competitive everyone is now, how stress makes you selfish, but we rarely talk about the people who are nice even when they have a million things on their hands. anyway that's not the point. the point is, although i still miss the times when all i hated about school was having to wake up at 6am everyday, i find so much beauty in the quiet conversations i have with myself now. i play out life in my head, and when i forget about all the submissions, i find myself thinking that life isn't so bad after all. :)

 Sigh, when I become a taitai, if i do become one, I will sit in front of my TV watching Discovery Travel & Living all day. It's got to be one of my favourite channels ever :) travelling the world through the tv screen, sad, but it's enough to make me happy :) For now, till 6th November, let me drink my favourite caffe mocha from my starbucks cup and wallow in self-pity for the horrendous state of my projects. The only thing motivating me to just continue doing it is that it will all be over soon. And then a break, from studio work, for 2 months or so. Life will be great in December. I will exercise so I can eat all I want (not like I'm not already eating what I want).

Life sucks, take drugs. My stupid fever won't go away, 5 f-ing days alr. nb, how to do work like that. Gazillion submissions next week. I will collapse and die. Life will be better from 6th November. It will just be mugging.

 it's almost the end of october, and that means so many things.

i'm about to die from the insurmountable pile of work. it's crazy, that we have so many things to focus on. science, art, history, AND we have to be good in all of them. sigh, not only do i have 2 presentations this week (one group ppt which is graded on wednesday, AND all we have are ideas that are not materialised. one cross-crit for our studio on thursday for which i have to consolidate my studio work so far (including the previous project 311) AND complete a stupid stick and string model - girl guides was never for me.) 1 pf project part to hand up, overdue pf tutorial to hand up, both by tmr. Photography submission (we have to write ESSAYS on our photos wtf) by thurs. why the hell is everything we do graded!!!!! i used to get by without doing my tutorials. now, it's not even possible. It's non-stop. There's final studio crit and submission next week, plus GEK essay (of which my stupid architect HAS to be so involved in political issues, and the book i borrowed is overdue, i even forgot to renew it. need to borrow somemore cos i don't understand wtf he is trying to do with his stupid building) and PF lab report due next week. All these, and exams coming up in 1 month's time. I haven't even got the time to read ANY of the books on our reading list, or read the lecture notes. How are we supposed to do all the work with school days that last from 11-6+, or even 11-9. 

I typed all that to sort out my very chaotic mind that is about to explode. 

 physics was never this tough for me :( :( 

I always get sad when i find out a love somewhere, has been lost. What makes me feel even sadder, is when people move on so fast after losing the love. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to have moved on, because we all should, but I simply can't fathom how they don't seem to dwell on the things of the past that had meant so much to them. Or at least, it should mean enough for them to have committed themselves to sharing so much of their lives with someone else. Yet, it seems to me that it is possible for people to go on with their lives more-than-fine, without a care or thought of what had been there, and throw themselves into something new and exhilarating, after an old and boring phase has ended. I guess I always find a need to grief over and bury all the torn and worn out pages - pages that had once been crisp and exciting to flip over. To me, it doesn't make it OK that these new pages hold more thrill than the old ones ever will, and it especially doesn't make it OK that the old pages are left forlorn just because all that matters now are the new pages right in front. Oh, the differences between Human Nature, and what makes us Human.

Sorry I'm not always this apparently 'emo', or ever talk about the importance of being sad. I'm supposed to be Little Miss Giggles, but my blog is always filled with kill-me-now posts, because I think all these sadness can only be felt when I'm alone and reflecting, and it is only through these experiences that I learn to appreciate what truly makes me happy.

Sigh, other than these observations, I <3 my tv shows cos they also help me to think about all the things that matter.

I also said the craziest thing today, "I never thought I'd say this, but I actually wish I was back studying for A Levels" That's what stress and no sleep for days does to me. I had no solid concept on Saturday, worked throughout Sunday, went to Art Friend in the evening on Sunday and saw Jonathan who asked me if I was done with my work. He was purchasing some paper to use as a cover page for his scansion submission, while I was still purchasing card for my model -_- Thank God crit went OK, I shouldn't have worried. It lasted hell long like 6 hours++, it was so so tiring. Anyway, while I said that I would trade my life now for my life in the past, obviously, none of my friends could understand the shit that was coming out of my mouth. But it made sense to me while I said it, because then, I was missing so many of the things that were going on during the preparation of As, none of which are happening, right here, right now. Nevertheless, the madness has subsided for a few days, and it's back to normal again. So no, no more going back to the craziness of mugging for As, but tomorrow, I will run, exercise, and go to the hairdressers. Live life, just for a day again.

 damn these wednesday/(thursday already) blues.......................................... as if it's not enough the school day has to end at 9pm, we all gotta rush for review the next day. even though life is good with nc as our tutor now, and not the insane bigeyedfong who gives 5 hour lectures (amazingly i didn't fall asleep) and his studio sessions are practically just as long, must still produce work work work to discuss. submission is 1 review away :O totally slack, and not prepared for cross-crit. life, as of now, is one big SIAN.

today i received a message, that went along the lines of
"Mandy Mandy Mandy! I've been slacking all day and haven't done any work, I need to find someone else who hasn't done anything either"

awesome lah, i'm now labelled as some slacker aside from other labels which include dao. haha, i can't help it man i get distracted by my tv shows, and facebook. and i do my work so slowly. :( but i do do my work! till my dad exclaimed how hardworking i've become :O and he's a person who always used to brag about how he used to study weeks before the exam so he could go around the library a day before the exam and laugh at the poor souls (used to be me (so many used-tos in this sentence!!!)) who were doing last minute studying. but anyway, i do admit i may still be a tad lazier than a lot of my cohort. i used to think i was a bit of a perfectionist, till i entered this course and realised: omg how can people have so much patience to aim to be THAT precise and perfect. my work has therefore been sort of slipshod in comparison, and i don't do that many study models or drawings because i take very long to do my work even though it's slipshod. but after i went for mass on sunday, and saw all the little kids in church (never paid much attention to them as they were mostly crying and distracting), i remembered all the little kids i used to teach. especially khai lin whom i used to love to carry and she would kiss me on the cheek. i realised i changed my mind then about martin's question the other day - career or family first, because i don't think now that i could put career over a family. david said then, "of course she would choose career. she's in archi. it's work over other things there." at that point, i still agreed because even though i was at the dinner, my mind was still on work, thinking about my essay and wondering if i would be able to finish it. but then i figured in church, that People still make me happy. i could never be perfectly satisfied doing my work, there will always be something insufficient, or i would always be worried day in and out about getting things done. but i could smile the whole day thinking about how i remembered someone's birthday, or how i talked to an old friend. and how all that made a difference. all these little things i can find in a family, building the lives of other people, and gaining joy in the process. of course i could also build FOR the people, but the satisfaction then would only come at the end, when people enjoy your delightful (HAHA) space. why should we then, work so furiously like everyone in studio, caught up in doing things for ourselves. of course they say you need to put in hardwork, and effort into what you do so you can produce the best. but isn't it true that we need hardwork and effort in the same principles of life and relationships? it takes a lot to be remembered, and appreciated. not to be forgotten even for a few days, not even talking about a few years over here. which is why, i'm really touched that old friends have remembered and talked to me even though i havent talked to them or put in much effort into keeping in touch with them. yes, need to find more people like these in nus. :)

aww man i miss retarded times like these we used to have!
and this! damn funny hahahahahhaha.

and pre-concert retardedness when chye and i wanted to imitate ahemmmmm whom we realise are so not cute anymore. 
and who can forget the classiccccc:

hahahahaha we all still love you chye.

damn, i miss the gymnasts cos i was looking through old pictures and videos. 

ok my big bang theory downloaded alr! off to watch :)

i find more often now, that it's very easy to forget people.

that's actually all i wanted to say while i'm currently immersed in this mass drawing weekend.

sigh, i've only done 12/30 sketches. and not started on studio work. :( no sleep i guess. but anw since some loserdy claims i should put more pictures on my blog like *** and *******, i will.

these are actually some of my better sketches that i'm proud of because never in my past 18 years of existence did i think i will be able to draw these. the hibiscus was actually a sketch i copied directly from a sketch i found online. cheating, but i still find it nice hahah. at least i didn't trace!





studio 9!


kelong during recess week with MIES




nyaa & social night:


ok will upload more next time! need to buy starbucks now to last me through the night. some ocs boy clubbing now while i'm stuck at home :O

last night i dreamt of kiera, and realised how much i missed the kids. :( i dreamt she was a fatty playing ddr, and was so happy to see me. but actually, i think in reality, i'm in her place. haha, not that i will start playing ddr, but im truly on my way to becoming a fatty (or am alr one as gabriel will say). i thought studio was bad with the constant macs and occassional fong seng. but when i stay home to do my work, there's even more food around. my mom will constantly put food in my room, and i will demolish it until my very appalled dad will take it away from me. my mom will continue offering me other food, and despite his calling me a fatty, gabriel bought me chocolates, which i am also eating while working on my essay (finally done!) and presentations and drawings. 

other than that, i dont want thursday to come. cos that's when the hell begins again. :(

[edit] wtf man, hell begins NOW NOW NOW. i need someone to explain to me wtf is italian rationalism and fascism and how the damn casa del fascio has anything to do with it. i have a 400 page book on terragni, and it's so hard to get through just a paragraph! there's a reason why i'm not in fass man. ppt presentation tmr UGHHHHHHHH.

i won't give up, i won't give up, i won't give up :( :( :(

and the sleepless weeks start again.

in need of help, haven't written essay in months, and everything doesn't flow :( :( miss mag low's class when language was made so much easier, and harder at the same time.

We're all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are.

being stuck is the worst ever, because then i procrastinate, and go watch tv shows, and do everything else BUT write.

hi, i need to train again. last night gabriel came over with 2 pints of ben and jerrys. we finished them while watching re-runs of so you think you can dance (KAYLA!!). nice, and so i only completed my pf assignment during lecture today. i swear his lectures are a waste of time, the only extra info he adds that is not alr in the notes are useless. i will not continue watching his webcasts anymore either. today was a slack day cos i went to school for his 40 mins lecture (supposed to be 2 hours long) and then i didn't have anything else for the rest of the day so i just filled my time by going to the central library and attempt to find somemore readings for my 2 designers. i actually found a few books, BUT i didn't know you could manually borrow from the counter, and so i ended up not borrowing them cos the stupid self-service e-kiosk required my matric PIN no. who remembers their pin nos seriouslyyy. yah so i just photocopied a few pages and went home. but did nth either. watched himym which was not that funny. and then made last minute plans to watch fame with gabriel after dinner. since he hadn't eaten, i had to watch him eat his mini wok noodles, which made me hungry cos i love mini wok and so i had a second dinner and bought bak chor mee. he kept dissuading me from buying my bak chor mee, but bak chor mee and i are inseparable just like wanton mee and me!! everytime i go cine now i've been patronising frolick which has a lot of pretty girls working there. haha random ok i am just feeling guilty about not doing my work and i wanna sleep soon too.