how do you live a life with no regrets? a life in which you don't look back, thinking every single day, what you could have changed.

on other notes, <3 this song by Keren Ann.

This is why I always wonder
I'm a pond full of regrets
I always try to not remember rather than forget

This is why I always whisper
When vagabonds are passing by
I tend to keep myself away from their goodbyes

Tide will rise and fall along the bay
and I'm not going anywhere
I'm not going anywhere
People come and go and walk away
but I'm not going anywhere
I'm not going anywhere

This is why I always whisper
I'm a river with a spell
I like to hear but not to listen,
I like to say but not to tell

This is why I always wonder
There's nothing new under the sun
I won't go anywhere so give my love to everyone

Tide will rise and fall along the bay
and I'm not going anywhere
I'm not going anywhere
People come and go and walk away
but I'm not going anywhere
I'm not going anywhere

it's officially my last day of work today (since it's past midnight), but i'm not working anyway. and unofficially, i know i still have to work and clear shit for another few days (hopefully not weeks). will not be seeing lovely kids anymore, neither will they be annoying me. love-hate thing, we all know i'm going to miss it anyways. other than that, am glad to be over and done with work. not exactly ready for my next phase in my life, which is really scaring me right now. apart from moving on and things changing, there are still some people and things i hold on to dearly, dyyyy you're one of the them even though you don't wanna PASS BY j8 to buy me xxl. so dont feel sad, cos i will <2 you forever, and i will plan my own orientation camp for you :D 3d2n k. stayover at my place. activities incl SENTOSA and PLAYSTATION (bring your ps3 leh). so cool right.

damn superrrrrrr bored. downloaded and watched the pilot of Make it or Break it. Haha, some abc show about gymnasts. It's a typical teenage drama that is full of american bitchy gymnasts (why always like that ahhh), but at least they have pretty and skinny people inside :D speaking of skinny, there's this kid in our gym that has the nicest legs ever!!! she's like the singaporean nastia. haha, really omg damn niceee. ok she's only 11, what's wrong with meee. anyway, i need some nice shows to watch!! or things to do at home..... facebook is damn boring.

when we are quarantined, and have nth better to do at home, we launch into MASS CONVO!! get well soon our captain planet! we will all go celebrate on wed night, yes? hahah.

(edit) Highlights:

Irvin (who tio h1n1): who's my secret pal??
Mandy: you don't even have one -_- (cos he didn't come on the 1st night)
Andrew: your secret pal is h1n1 lah.

---

Jin says (11:57 PM): (to IRVIN)
we planning to go ur hse on wed to celebrate e breaking of quarantine

fyi, irvin is quarantined till monday. irony, irony.

OK DAMN BORED. REALLY.

i'm so sad right now, and yes i don't understand.

i am back from sde camp! they sent us home early cos someone in camp contracted h1n1 at butter fact and didnt declare :( since i am damn free now cos i was supposed to be in camp, i shall briefly recap what happened!

day 1
we went into our groupings after waiting for a long time, and i was in HERCULES! did some icebreakers (i was Marvellous Mandy again!!) and learnt some group cheers before eating our lunch. started on amazing race after our meal, and there were super a lot of stations - about 9 or 10?!?! played with this 'betting gems' system. and we managed to win all our games except for 1! :D was quite tired towards the end cos i only slept a TOTAL of 7 hours from the previous 2 nights. had dinner which was gross (but i still finished cos i was hungry -_-) and the OGLs bought us ice cream from macs! so nice right. yah, learnt mass dance which was damn hard?!?! and the SDE cheer! then it was fate night. took super long to settle everyone down and arrange the secret pals. mine was a girl, cos SDE has damn little guys. yeah, talked for like 1 hr?? haha talked about super random stuff from rj people to circle line to tv shows. haha. yah, then there were a lot of OGLs that came to disturb us, poured stuff on us, and wiped paint all over while we were blindfolded the whole time!! :( haha then a lot of them started talking to us also. well then after fate night, was the day's results. and we were the best og and earth was the best house too :D but anw, we were the last team to be ferried back to pgp, and we only reached there at like 1am. waited for like 2 hours plus for each and every group to leave. finally got to bathe and sleep! i slept alone the first night cos my roomie didnt come on the first day. but MY bed was super soft, though the room was pretty small! i slept like a log, they had to call me so many times in the middle of the night to take temperature haha.

day 2
went to the src to do our flag making! i mixed the paints for the group while some other archi guy drew the banner. haha although our banner is definitely not the nicest, but it doesn't matter! haha, then we learnt mass dance again after lunch. not any better. just anyhow move the whole time hahaha. then it was field games!! we owned again for the first game. which was cabbage tofu captains ball. similar to cj's orientation game also lah, where you use weird stuff as the ball for the game. my og mates said i was damn rough playing the game lorh. :( but those who know me should know i am so demure and gentle right! :D yah so we won the other 2 teams' gems!! next was dodgeball, which was such an unfair game. the other team kept cheating, but nvm lorh. they won in the end, but we just kept cheering and cheering! then it was the obstacle course thing. also similar to cj's human bowling game, where there's this canvas full of detergent on top. except instead of sliding on it to knock down pins, we have to go through a telematch thing and find the sweet in the flour all while being tied to another person. our group only got second, cos our garbage bag used to tie our legs tgt kept breaking. then our last game was canvas hockey! where you crawl around on a detergent-filled canvas hitting a soap bar into your goal using a newspaper stick. yah, we lost again. but it's ok! after the field games, which was not very dirty compared to cj's, we were only allowed to wash our legs and stuff and then eat dinner!! which was gross again, some vegetarian meal. and anyone who knows me knows that i hate vege. but yah, dont waste food! must finish. haha. after that, we got our goodie bags! got adidas waterbottle :D yah, then we learnt the chacha part of the mass dance which was so much easier than the stupid hiphop. haha. fate night was cancelled cos it was too late, and so they let us off early to plan for our finale skit and stuff. we dropped to second place for the day :( but we were only one gem behind the cheater iris group haha. (we would have won if their house didnt win the cheer competition!!) saw a lot of zai runners on the track while we were eating dinner too. we ate supper while thinking of our skit. ate roti prata from some legendary nearby roti prata cafe. but the roti prata wasnt that legendary. so small, and not even that nice!! overpriced too. yah, then one of our og mates drove us back to pgp :D and this time jiahui bunked in with me! cos my supposed roommate only came during the house cheer competition and decided to leave after that cos she was injured and couldnt play the games -_-

3rd day
they told us that all sentosa and our formal dinner with our secret pal was cancelled cos of the h1n1 case. so we practised our skit for awhile in the lobby, but ended up being quarantined in our rooms for the whole of the third day?!?! they even delivered the food to our rooms, and gave us masks to wear?! sadly, jiahui had something on and went off, so i was all alone in there playing handphone games -_- around evening, we went down for briefing, and they explained the whole issue to us. they wanted to quarantine us till the next day!! yah, so since all the activities got cancelled, they started giving out the lucky draw prizes and such during the briefing. haha. and they decided to award us with the best og prize also! :D more food for us :D :D yeah, then we were sent back to our rooms to wait for dinner. but we just heck care and ate tgt, and took lots of photos! after our dinner, they decided to let us go home, but we had to take private transport. anyway, the camp was fun while it lasted!!

and now i heard like quite a few people from sde camp also contracted h1n1. OH NO.

OMG my camp is in 8 hours time and i am packing now. and this, "A gift not more than $5 (for the opposite gender)", is listed on the packing list!!!!!!!! ok, actl i read the packing list before, but it barely registered in my mind the other time. RIGHT, last minute packing does not work for me!!!!! luckily i have chocolates from fathers day gifts (work) but, it's so cheapo and cliche!!!!!!! should i go 7 eleven to source for smth better??? but i'm kinda lazy. and who doesn't love chocs, right???

cute girl 101 a.k.a. kiera has added me on fb! HAHA. i wonder if her didi has fb too, maybe he will add me!! :D but anw, i am truly appalled, she's only 7!!!! i didn't even know the existence of the internet back then. but then again, her dad is supposedly some lenovo computer brand legend, and each one of his kids have their own laptops. so i'm not that surprised! and lately, weird ocs people have been adding me on fb?!?! and cheet, who is lucy tan, she added me too and you're our mutual friend!! i'm sorry, but her name cracks me up.

ok, i am halfway through my presents maniaaaaaaa, i believe i can finish them! go me :D

i now have 27 tabs open on origami-related sites. :O everything is so prettyyyyyy, would love it if someone got me an origami book : ) i used to have a thick red one when i was young, and it taught me how to fold paper houses and other basic origami but the back few pages were pretty difficult for me - all those animals and flowers. would wanna try now : ) and even attempt a 3D peacock, cos it looks so beautiful! haha, ok i will probably get a book one of these days, and fold to my heart's content when i'm super free!!

pls visit the above site, the story is truly heartbreaking :(

anw, gabriel got into ocs! i'm so prouda him :D i took damn long to figure out how to check his stupid posting cos he nv explain to me properly!

went back to cj td to help fifi collect her a level cert, and of course mine. the sgc is damn ugly. i know it's supposed to look formal, but moe should hire better designers. ate chinese wok, cos it was the only one open. of all stalls right!!! but anw damn cheap, so i'm not complaining MUCH. but my MIAN WANG :( :( :(

sian, i've so many gifts to prepare and i can't finish them all by sunday :( :( should get started now now now, instead of procrastinating..........

hate people who dont reply my msgs too, or give me some stupid answer (might as well not reply, take up my inbox space), esp when i have a deadline!!

i am damn damn damn damn super annoyed right now. i'm made to rush everywhere tmr because SHE forced me to work. told me in like less than 20 hrs notice that i need to go down to work, and i have to change MY plans cos hers obviously cant be changed. and i'm not even going tioman anymore....... i guess that gives me more time to do stuff this week. WAKEBOARDING!!! hopefully it materialises :)

i'm still damn annoyed!!!! i have to lug everything around all over singapore tmr. no time for meals even, GAH. but anw, clarisse and i made a beautiful baby hamper today. :D saw a lot of cute stuff omg can die. i think we cannot be mothers. cos we will buy all the cute but not-worth-it items for our kids. haha.

haha i'm totally living life like there's no work anymore (it's the half-truth since they no longer wanna pass work to us, choosing instead to exploit their full-time workers while they can.....) nonetheless, life without work is ironically making me busy like a bee (HAHA, love that primary school simile) when i'm home, i'm busy playing games like restaurant city (STILL) and kh2. other than that, i'm doing half-hearted work, which involves me going WINDOW shopping with chye while looking for fathers day presents for the students to give to their dads (YAH, we just walked into guardian to asked if they sold the big box of ferrero rocher). ate over-priced pontian at far east where there was shit service (total contrast to their act while serving patricia-joke-mok. i am so mean, but seriously, she is damn loser, and totally undeserving of celebrity status. everyone should see her unglamly eating her wanton mee and talking with noodles coming out of her mouth) dont slam me for judging her all you fans (if any at all), it is basic etiquette not to talk with your mouth full (haha, gabriel will laugh at me for saying this. and celebrities have every right to be as unglam as me, but you gotta admit i don't have people staring at me while i'm eating my meals outside) enough about her, i have been stuffing myself aplenty too. more wantons thanks to eunice chye the pig who wanted me to share her 14 wantons HAHA. then turkish ice-cream : ) : ) : ) decided to meet gabriel for awhile cos he called me while i was topping up my card. was too lazy to walk over to dhoby ghaut, so i took a train one station down, and ate more. sausages&mash + bubble teaaaa. and then i went home for dinner. yah, and now i'm eating tao kae noi. yes, i know dydy, your cousin once went to hospital eating too much seaweed. but once you start on tao kae noi, you can't stop : ( enough on my day today, i am going to talk about me living life. will be shopping for mrs lb's newborn baby's presents tmr with clarisse the silly, and then wednesday i'll be driving and going to some gathering with gabriel's platoon mates HAHA i how cool. and then visiting Therese Marie La'Brooy in the night. and then maybe ladiesss night. and then after that, it's hopefully TIOMAN ISLANDS with gabriel and his family till saturday!! SNORKELLING : ) and then next week will be sde camp! and then it'll be JULY and NO MORE COUNTING DOWN. : D and it will be bangkok baby!

work musings.
the lovely cute kids on sundays, and eating ban mian at s11 are the only reasons i love my work. (and of course youuuuuuuu chyeeeee my loveeee hahahaha) the kids are not too hard to take now that the class is much much smaller. i hope natasha and JIAYI will be back. i've got to show you how cute the kids are. khai lin said on sunday, "i miss jia yi foreverrrrr." how cute is that. btw, jiayi has only been away on holiday for 2 weeks. it's so nice to see all them childhood bestfriends. haha, same school, same church, same gym class - they don't see each other for a day, and we have them asking throughout the lesson non-stop where their bestfriend went. 2 weeks back, megan told me, "i tell jill my secrets, cos she's my best friend." and on sunday, jill kept asking "where's megan and sarah? they said they would be coming : (" aww man, i do hope they will still be this close 10, 15, 20, 50 years down the road. i have a 5-yr old kid teaching me basic french too. and a new girl who has the loveliest, prettiest, awesome curls!

i love my semi-colourful post : ) cheong the ps queen, i see you have gone on holiday and ran away from planning our sushi buffet.......... bitch (doesnt this pink look like a perfect bitchy colour!!) 4eva.

omg, 3 hrs of sleep and then 2.5 hrs of driving, i almost died. haha actl not really, i was sleepy but i was still driving safely (circuit only anw)! but i was blurrer than usual. what happened was that i forgot to signal when turning left/right quite a few times (cos the stupid circuit is so small, you turn once, and then go a few metres need to turn again!! and sometimes the signal OFF by itself damn annoying), but nvm cos my instructor today damn nice (i hope i get him more often! he's very nice to talk to! can talk for the whole lesson non-stop one so i feel very relaxed when driving haha). BUDDEN RIGHT, when i was doing the crank course, i wasn't thinking properly, so when turning during the crank course, i actually SIGNALLED, then realised after that the stupid-ness of what i just did. then my instructor started laughing at me, cos i signal at the wrong moments. hahah then i thought about how retarded that was, and wanted to laugh to myself a few seconds later, but so pai seh hahaha.

ok gabriel is here!! i'm going to help him set up the ps and then go nap myself :)

this is so funny. gabriel just messaged me just now. and so i asked if i could call. true enough, he was awake getting ready for his route march! goes to show how screwed our sleeping times are. i'm awake at 3am cos i haven't slept, and he's awake cos well, he just has to get up REAL early. tmr i'm not gonna work :D no driving too, so i'm gonna slack at home and yes clean up my room blah blah blah.

ok nothing better to do!! maybe i should sleep huh.

i just finished watching lost! life is gonna be so boring now. haha, i think i should go play ff again, after talking to weedy and getting excited haha. and i should go back to exercising again. and cleaning my room!! i'm only blogging cos i dont want to go sleep, and find myself waking up knowing i'm going to have a long annoying day at work.

today was so good, slacking at home, and then going for driving, and then buying a dress online. not having to worry about incessant problems that i have to solve for work. cutting down on our coaching hours, why not admin too!! :(

i hope june will fast fast go away, and july will be a long long month.

i'm annoyed beyond means!! they can't keep doing this to me, every, single, work day. admin is so not a job for me - anything by-the-book, inflexible, or jobs with a whole shit of red tape, i will strive not to take up EVER again. i feel bad saying so many "NO"s to parents, and i'm definitely not a sweet-talker or manipulator, whatever they are or want me to be. i say things out as they are, and not twist my words to make it sound like a nice package, when we are in fact cheating people's money!!! URGH.

btw, i finally saw gabriel in his army uniform. right, k BYE, i am going to lose myself in lost. hurhur i am so funny.

i got my beef and cheese ystd and thus achieved lvl 10 for my ROYAL LASAGNE, so i was less annoyed by the time i went to slp. though i had horrid, but exciting nightmares of which i cant rmb the details right now anyway. today was so much better! i stayed home the first half watching Lost, haha it finally gets better and less boring. i knew i could stick through it!! then i finally got off my lazy ass to go over to gabriel's to swim (the sun was so freaking hot, even the water was WARM, and i am BROWN even after just an hour of lazing around in the pool.)! then we went for mass, and went to eat at hog's breath (at tp!) with his family, while he busily told his parents how much of a pig i am -_- pls, at the end, even his dad said to me, "wow, you're doing well with the ribs!" yah, after all that nonsense, we went to drink KOIIIIII and go watch MvA (haha, I like my acronym!) cos i had free eng wah vouchers, and i most definitely did not want to watch hannah montana. haha it wasnt such a stupid show i guess, kinda funny, but just like any other cartoon. well, at least tmr i can talk talk to the kids about it. haha, chye went to watch the 3d one today too. we are such cool coaches.

alright, shall watch one more episode of Lost before i sleep and prepare myself for torture at 945 tmr!

i'm posting a lot nowadays cos i'm at home most of the time. too lazy to go work hahaha. i just skipped 1000 times again :) and did splits and handstands. my exercise for the week, or maybe month haha cos my face is getting fatter. i gave up on my thighs and arms alr.

so many things i came across the past few days reminded me of the "remember-when"s :( :(

off to batheeeeee after my exercise :D

[edit] right, i just ate ice cream and chocolates after my shower. -_-

something just occurred to me - i have nv seen gabriel in his army uniform, and he's pop-ing like next week alr i think?! haiyah i know i am damn lousy, but hopefully i'll be sending him off to tekong next week, cos there's no coaches' meeting next sun :D\ i'm too hardworking alr, always caught up in work and neglecting church & personal life HAHAHA. no more, no more, cos guess what 29 MORE DAYS. yes, my title says it all, i am counting down to the day i end work (BTW I STOOD UP FOR MY RIGHTS, and told my boss i wont be able to work on sundays in july anymore :D i'm so proud of myself hahaha. and when i told her that, she immediately turned to eunice to ask her for help. haha i just stood at the side, secretly laughing at her misfortune HAHAHA) anyway, i just realised june has 30 days only, YES, SHORT MONTH. one day makes a lot of difference. haha. i sound like i hate my work so much. well, i know i'll definitely miss the kids. on sunday, lots of cute things happened that made me smile. chloe calling out "au revoir, tim luan!" when she stopped playing with her brother to follow me to the trampoline. jamie with her fat tummy, asking her sister what's for lunch later, in the middle of doing beam, natasha and her dimple! all my favourite kids :( haha, but i'm glad she's slowly passing my classes to the other coaches, WEDNESDAY NO MORE K&K HEHE. admin is also damn slack now cos our full-time staff has left (which further proves that even the nicest guys can't work for more than half a year with THE BOSS). and me and chye's 'thank you' card was a disaster at first, but it was so pretty in the end :)

ugly betty finale: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Prl6MnLcu-U (they dont allow me to embed)
i totally loved these scenes! ok, most of it. the boss twist was just -_-

btw i found out what's been causing my short term memory loss. (seriously, when i do things now, i can only memorise a few words at a time. not even like two groups of numbers!) no it's not a tumour, and no it's not mainly cos i've been out of school for a long time, it's because GABRIEL AND DYDY HAVE BEEN WHACKING MY HEAD NON-STOP, INCESSANTLY, CONTINUOUSLY, ONE AFTER THE OTHER, cos i'm too nice i let them bully me :(